


Transparency

by Mishaa



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-10-16
Updated: 2012-10-24
Packaged: 2017-11-16 11:32:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/538983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mishaa/pseuds/Mishaa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's always lived a transparent world. Kuroko watches the world play out before him, unable to interfere, to feel, to live. Aomine's still an ass, but now he's an angsty brooding ass who won't mourn because it's no longer his loss to mourn for. Aokuro friendship because the world wouldn't let them go beyond that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In The In-Between World

**Author's Note:**

> Part 3 of [BlackMaya](http://archivofourown.org/users/blackmaya)'s [_Fear_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/511784%22) and [jAyesque](http://fanfiction.net/~jayesque)'s [_Possibilities_](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8548341/1/Possibilities). This has not gone through proof-reading.

It was dark. Complete and utter darkness. He does not know if he is blind, or if eyes are even open. He just knows it's dark, and he can't see anything.

There is nothing to hear, either, except for the deafening silence. He could stand the darkness, gods know he's been shrouded in it throughout his whole life to care now. It's the silence he couldn't bear. It was a blatant sign that ceaselessly reminds him that he was, and forever will be, alone. He does not know why this bothers him, just that it does.

He wills his voice to come, so he can say anything - anything at all that will break the haunting quiet.

 _Aomine_ , the word forms in his mouth. Aomine. It comes to him so instinctively, as if he'd been saying all his life. Wait, no, that didn't seem quite right. It's more like… more like he's been  _calling for it_  his whole life. Yes, that's more appropriate. Like he's been calling for it.  _Always_ calling for it.

Why? Who is that? It sounds like a name. But who's name? He feels his chest constrict. His body - his heart - tells him he is forgetting something important. Something his very being can not bear to leave behind.

He feels something on his face. What is that? It's coming from his eyes. He wishes to move his arms and touch the streak of coolness on his cheek, but he found that he could not move his arms.

Tears. Yes, that's what they are called. They were tears. He's shed a lot of those in his life. He'd cried tears enough for two people, he recalls. Because his best friend laughed and smiled enough for the both of them and he preferred it that way.

He would take on the responsibility of bearing the burdens - he will take on the blame for all their broken dreams, for breaking their miraculous team apart, and he will accept their anger and resentment for leaving, because he knows it was the only way to save Aomine from himself - to save all of them from themselves. It was the only way the smile would return to Aomine's face, and he would take the chance, however slim it is, to make basketball fun for Aomine again.

Yes, that's right. Things were becoming clear to him now. He and Aomine were… no, Aomine is his  _best friend_. Just his best friend. He does not know why his heart feels heavy thinking of that.

They played basketball together, in Teikou middle school. He and Aomine along with the rest of The Generation of Miracles. He was the Shadow to Aomine's light. Always trailing after him, always trying to catch up, trying not to get left behind.

But he no longer played for Teikou, did he? No, middle school was long over. Their relationship was long over. His Teikou days were over. The days spent laughing and joking around in the basketball court were over. Did he think his happiness was anything but ephemeral? Was he truly that naive?

Seirin. That's the name of his new school. And Kagami, his new light, translucent next to Aomine's neon. Ah, Kagami will definitely be angry. He'd promised to make him the best. Promised Kagami aid in his goal to defeat the Generation of Miracles.

Aomine would be gloating. "I told you Tetsu wouldn't keep his promise," he'd say to Kagami. "Tetsu never keeps his promises."

Kise would be angry with him too. He'd promised Kise he could teach him how to shoot today. "It's my turn, Kurokocchi!" he had said, "It's always Aominecchi that gets to teach you how to shoot, and you're not even on the same team anymore!" and after a few more insistent whining, he had given in and subsequently promised the blonde the entire day.

Ergh, his head was starting to hurt. It was better though, than the numbness he felt earlier, from when he couldn't  _remember_. And far better than the lethargy he felt, floating aimlessly in this dark reality, not remembering anything at all. Was that the kind of seemingly perpetual boredom Aomine feels when he plays basketball? He shudders at the thought.

Earlier today… or was it yesterday? Time was warped in this in-between world. The last thing he remembered, and it seemed like just earlier today, he was walking… on his way to Touou high school to play basketball.

Aomine had agreed to let Kise join their usual game (but not without some manipulative bribery on Kuroko's part), under the condition (yes he had the audacity to put up a  _condition_ ) that they would play on his home court instead of their usual street court. "I don't want any no-name brat watching us this time," to which Kasamatsu agreed, saying, "Kise, I don't want us to be easy pray for the spies."

On his way there… What happened? His mind had been preoccupied. The route he took to the train station was nostalgic. He had missed walking with Aomine to and from school. And if Momoi wasn't being her busy body self, she'd join them too. He missed it so much. He didn't notice the truck.

Ahh. Right. There was the truck. And he was walking absentmindedly. He took advantage of the fact that it was a school zone. He was careless. And he paid his price.

_  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a one-shot I turned into a multi-chapter.


	2. It All Goes Down Hill From Here

He wakes to a stranger tapping his face. He wants to tell her - for it was a girl, probably his age from the looks of it - that she can stop now, because he's awake, but his body doesn't listen to him and words won't form.

There are other people - more strangers - hovering over him. The girl's friend tells the crowd to go away, or at least stand back a little, because he might need some air. They don't listen to her until a guy wearing the same school logo as the two girls barked out the same orders, only much harsher and with a little bit more force.

This is when a haggard girl with a messy mop of pink hair pushes through the crowd. She sees his body and falls on the ground. She covers her face to hide her tears. "Tetsu!" she cries, and Kuroko wants to tell her not to waste her tears on him because he's conscious and alright. If only his body would do as it's told.

Predictably, Aomine comes rushing into the fray soon after but stops in his tracks when he sees the state Kuroko is in and the blood pooling around him. He doesn't see the nameless girl because all he can see is  _Tetsu, Tetsu, and Tetsu._  He wears an incredulous expression on his face, laced with a look of disbelief and shock. Panic soon comes after.

He frantically looks around for anyone -  _anyone_  - that can help, and calls, "Does  _anyone_  know first aid?!"

The boy from earlier speaks up, raising his hands to calm Aomine down. "We did what we could, breathe a little man. We called the ambulance already."

This doesn't do anything to help Aomine at all. "WELL, WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY?!"

Their audience by now has backed away a significant distance, instinct kicking in and wary of Aomine's anger.

 

What seems like a minute or two passes before they could hear the siren in the air. Aomine paces back and forth; looks at Kuroko's body and then away. This pattern repeats over and over, and no one stops him no matter how dizzying it is to watch because it looks like it calms him. Satsuki is crying and the two girls comfort her.

There is a blur of activities when the ambulance arrives and Kuroko can not keep up with everything. Aomine and Momoi were told they were not allowed to ride in the ambulance but the girl who tended to Kuroko was. Aomine threw a fit and Momoi was not up for stopping him.

In the end, the medics agreed to let Aomine and Momoi ride in the ambulance.

 

When they get to the hospital, Kuroko is led straight to the ER and they perform a number of tests and procedures on him.

Kuroko learns something from when they were sending electricity through his body and he fell off the table after a strong jolt: he could see his own self; closed eyes, blood stains on his front, his entire body coated with grime and sweat.

And then he learns something else from when the steady monotone beep of the electrocardiogram persists: he was dead.

He was proven right when he - his  _soul?_ \- follows the doctor out of the room and into the waiting lobby where his friends were. While he was in the ER, his old teammates from Teikou and the regulars for the Seirin team, plus Takao and Aida had joined Momoi and Aomine.

Aomine stops pacing when he sees the doctor approach and hits the wall with his clenched fists when he sees the expression on the doctor's face. Kise breaks down sobbing and Midorima allows him to dirty his shit for today.

It is Akashi who speaks first. "Get straight to the point, Doctor."

In the calm, assertive way that doctors use, he says, "We tried everything we could—"

"Bullshit!" Kagami and Aomine say in unison. Why on  _earth_  do those doctors  _still_  use that tone of voice? It's like a big neon sign for bad news.

Admirably, the doctor is not fazed in the least. This must be a regular occurrence for him. "I'm sorry. He's gone."

" _No. I'm right here. I'm just here. Someone… see me,"_ Kuroko wants to scream because all the stricken looks his friends take on and all the frustration of not being seen or heard was getting to him.

Aida sets aside her issues with Momoi and comforts the girl. Aomine goes stalking out and Kagami moves to chase after him before thinking better of it.

 

Kuroko follows Aomine in a daze. He is used to being ignored. He's lived his whole life with his misdirection. It was silly to fret over it now.

Kuroko exits the hospital and turns around to its back garden area where he finds Aomine slumped over beneath the shade of a tree. He knows it is futile, but he couldn't help but call out anyway. "Aomine-kun…" he says, and falls over beside his old light when no reply comes.

He may have lived disregarded by the passing world, but he'd become accustomed to having at least  _one_  person who is always aware of his presence, because for as long as he's known him, Aomine was the one person who Kuroko could not go by unnoticed. It felt strange, and horrible, and Kuroko wished so badly for his heart to be as listless to emotions as his ghostly skin was to the winds he knows are blowing.

Aomine is shaking beside him. "I'm sorry," he whispers, fully aware that Aomine could not hear him, and that the desolateness of acknowledgement from Aomine would only hurt him.

"Fuck you…" Aomine mutters, and for a moment, Kuroko lets himself get his hopes up; lets himself  _believe_ that Aomine heard him. "Fuck you so much, Tetsu."

Aomine looks up at the sky. His tears cascades freely down his face. They fell too unreservedly to be tears shed for a best friend. They were the kind of tears that could pass off as tears shed for a lost lover; filled with regret, longing, and so much desperation.

Kuroko finds that he is crying too. Crying for all the things he never apologized for, for all the promises he never got to keep, and most of all, for putting that pitiful look that should never have marred Aomine's face.

After that, Aomine does not cry anymore. In fact, he didn't even understand why he cried back then. Kuroko wasn't even his best friend — not since Teikou, at least. It'd have been pathetic of him to still call Kuroko that when Kuroko cut off all ties with him up until their first high school match together.

If anything, it should have been Kagami who ran out like a sissy. He and Kuroko weren't anything more than just casual acquaintances that play basketball together once in a while to relive some memories. He had no right. No right at all to feel the almost overwhelming grief that took him then (and though he won't admit it, even now).

 


	3. The Funeral He Did Not Attend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Originally Published** on  October 17, 2012

 

Aomine does not attend Kuroko's funeral. Momoi worries and thinks he's a grief-stricken girl that refuses to believe things are happening, and it pisses him off. He knows full well what's happened: Kuroko's dead. He's  _dead_  and he's never going to come back.

A petty funeral where people who barely even know Kuroko gather to mourn for what they think is his life just wasn't his scene.  _Why can't Satsuki understand that?_ He might accidentally end up punching some asshole who thinks he's worthy enough to even be joining Kuroko's funeral in the face. He especially won't be able to hold himself back if any of those idiots even  _think_ of mentioning basketball. More than half of them probably never even  _saw_ Kuroko play, and not even half of what's left never really  _played_  with Kuroko.

And what's the point of having those idiots gather around for a celebration anyway? It's not going to bring Kuroko back. Kuroko's already dead - hit by a car and died rather painfully according to the doctor, and those facts aren't going to change no matter  _how_  many people come together and pray.

Don't even get him started on the mourning part! It's not going to do anyone any favors by feeling sorry for a loss. How could they lose something they never even had in the first place?

For Kuroko's part, as much as he wanted to just forego his own funeral and spend the rest of the day ghosting after Aomine, he felt that he owed it to his friends and family to listen to their last words. He needed the reminder anyway; some days he's come to wish and pretend and even  _believe_  that this was all a sick dream the world put him through.

It was deathly - excuse the pun - depressing. Hearing them tell his life was so strange. They didn't say anything he didn't already know, but it's really different hearing others point out the flaws he was more than just aware of. Hearing them recite his "good points" made him uncomfortable as well; he'd never been comfortable with compliments to begin with. At least this time he didn't have to worry about responding this time.

His family came first; as if knowing he's left them wasn't hard enough. They'd put so much faith into him too. They'd told him:  _"Who cares if some kids don't notice you? It's good this way, see. Now it's easy for you to tell who your_ real _freinds are. These are going to be the people that will_ see  _you, and always will after."_

They cheered him on, believed in him even before Aomine did, and he let them down, just as he let down his friends. He's left them to worry about their future.  _Who will care for his parents when they grow too feeble?_ this is the kind of thought that haunts him frequently, adding effect to Aomine's constant reminder that he'd broken his promises - to his friends, to his teammates, and even to his family.

His teammates came next - because Kagami  _insisted_ they go first and Riko smacked him in the head saying " _Family always_  comes first," after ignoring Kiyoshi's suggestion of going last: "Save the best for last, right?"

Apparently Kagami heard Aomine's ramblings and made it a point to announce to the world that he did  _not_ blame Kuroko for dying - as if Kuroko had a choice in the matter - and said that he forgave Kuroko for breaking his promise.

"I have an even better motivation to be the best now. I'll work twice as hard because you're no longer there to back me up. I'll reach our goal - for you and for me." Kuroko feels the goosebumps as he  _swears_ Kagami was looking straight at him from his place at the back of the audience. His rational part tells him it's just his imagination but his more imaginative and  _wild_ side likes to suggest in hushed whispers that he'd made enough of an impact on Kagami's life that some little miraculous coincidences like getting looked in the eye can happen.

Junpei's palm meets his face as Kagami gets off the stage after that. Kiyoshi tries to do damage repair by finishing up the speech on behalf of the entire basketball team. Kagami doesn't understand what he did wrong and Junpei resits the urge to palm is face a second time. Riko spares him the temptation by whacking Kagami with her purse saying, "Go look up  _proper eulogies_ when you get home."

She mutters, "Must get it through the head: boys are unreliable," shaking her head as Kiyoshi starts to ramble and laugh like a carefree idiot in front of a mourning crowd. She finishes the eulogy after making Junpei assist everyone else on the team  _outside_ the tent and far from the crowd.

His Teikou team follows some other people - members from rival teams, friends of friends, thrice removed cousins - and makes the closing remarks.

Kise is banished to his seat as Akashi refused to let him take stage. Kise was all too fine with that with his recently unreliable legs and tendency to screw up. Midorima was charged to speak in behalf of Kise after himself.

Sadistically, Kuroko rather enjoyed hearing Midorima read aloud Kise's writing - saying things like,  _"Honest to god, I admired him and his style of basketball..."_ because it's blatantly clear that he's never said words like those before and he knows it, knows the crowd knows it too, and it's making him uncomfortable.

Midorima's horror doesn't last for more than another ten minutes, fortunately, and Akashi takes the stage, speaking for himself and Murasakibara, who had been taken by the dessert cart a half an hour prior. Their combined speech was short, telling the audience of their times with Kuroko and how much Kuroko had helped their team become number one.

And Kuroko was once again thankful that he needn't give a response because in all honesty, he never even suspected either Akashi or Muraskibara thought that of him. Especially not of Akashi.

A small part of him suspects that his old captain might be doing this just to impress the audience, but it felt nice hearing it anyway, so Kuroko tries not to notice the malicious glint and smirk Akashi dons as he leaves the stage - looking like someone who'd just gotten away with something and couldn't wait to brag about it.

Momoi is the last of his old team to speak. She looks straight at the crowd before unfolding a crumpled piece of paper. She reads the contents softly, pronouncing everything slowly, as if she held something precious and wanted to make sure the crowd heard and understood her properly.

"I'm not very good at eulogies, or even with words in general. I don't know how to construct paragraphs or the rules of a sentence, but you all are just going to have to deal with that. Tetsu had always been the one better with words. Most people didn't know that because he was just... just so easy to forget and not notice.

"Hearing his name, they'd assume he was the silent kid because they have no memory of him. They didn't know him at all, and it's their loss because they never got to meet the great person I knew Tetsu to be. Call me selfish, but I'm kind of glad Tetsu wasn't popular. It felt nice being one of the few people close to him. Made me feel special, y'know?

"Another false assumption people had about Tetsu is that he's silent and a passive and - oh this one cracks me up - an  _innocent_. Technically, he  _is_  pretty silent. But that's mostly because no one ever strikes a conversation with him. But if they ever did, they'd find that he had a whole lot of opinions and ideas going around that little head of his and, the more they spend time with him, they'll find that he anything but passive and innocent. Tetsu's practically the Akashi's evil spawn."

Kuroko is too captivated by Momoi's speech to notice how Momoi paused to let the crowd chuckle, or to notice Akashi's eye twitch a centimeter.

"When I first met him, I thought he was a ghost. I'm serious. I was practicing late and Akashi wanted me to double check the locks before I left. I passed by one of the gyms and I was scared shitless because I thought I was actually face to face with a ghost. I'm not afraid to admit I ran off then. There are others who'd made a worse first impression," Momoi pauses to giggle towards Kise's general direction.

"I came back the next day though. Stayed late, told everyone I'd be practicing still. Went to the third gym, where I met him the other day, and there he was, trying to shoot basketballs and failing at it. I even had this whole ghost story made up in my head already, should I survive that encounter and live to tell the rest of the team. Basically, that's how I met Tetsu. When I finally figured out he  _wasn't_ a ghost, I introduced him to Akashi, and with the both our help, Tetsu became a regular in no time."

She stops to survey the crowd. There were nods of approval from the adults. Kagami had his mouth pressed to a thin line and Midorima was fumbling with his glasses. She spots only an empty chair when she looks for Kise beside Kasamatsu. The captain inclines his head to the direction of the exit door when she looks at him, silently telling her not to worry, and that Kise was fine, as fine as he'll ever be in _Kurokocchi's Funeral._

She nods to him before continuing. "It was probably one of the  _biggest mistakes_ of my life. If I had just convinced myself my mind was playing tricks on me, I probably wouldn't have come back the next day. I wouldn't have met him, wouldn't have introduced him to Akashi, and I wouldn't have ever been his light and he my shadow. He wouldn't have become my best friend and my middle school years wouldn't have been as crappy as it was because I wouldn't have been in love with my best friend who sure as hell didn't feel the same way.

"Twice he broke my heart - one when he broke his promise about going to Touou together, and then now, when he left without saying a goddamn goodbye. And you know what? I'm  _glad_ he's dead. Now I don't have to worry about being hurt anymore. Because even when he's already dead, I love him no less, and this is the kind of pain he had the power to inflict on me. Alive, my feelings would have just kept growing and growing until my chest can't contain it anymore, and who knows what shit I'd go through with that ticking bomb in me."

Momoi meets the crowd's gaze, not bothering to wipe off the tears flowing freely down her face. " _That_ , for such a small underwhelming person, is how big an impact Kuroko Tetsuya left on me."

She gets off the stage and runs out the door but Kuroko could not find the strength to move from his spot to chase after her because, like everyone else, he's left hanging, staring at the small stand she stood behind and feeling the imaginary tears streaming down his face, like the ghost of a touch.

 

 

Outside, she joins Kise and plops down an old worn out bench.

"Are you okay with that?" Kise says to her first thing.

Momoi tilts her head, wiping off the rest of the tears. "If you're referring to using Dai-chan's words, then it's fine. He started off just ranting about, and sometimes even to, Tetsu-kun, but then he decided he didn't want to go to the funeral after all and dumped this. He probably knows I fished it off."

"I meant, not getting to say your own words," he amends.

"Some last words are bigger, more important, and more deserving than others," she says. Kise could feel the melancholy in her voice and does not bother to hide his disbelief.

"He said all the things I could have said, and more, and with more feelings and love put to it than I could have ever managed," she explains, smiling.

She puts her hand over his and adds, "Tetsu-kun needed to hear what he had to say and  _he_  needed Tetsu-kun to hear what  _he_  had to say."

Kise scoffs and turns away. "He should have come here and said it himself, then."

Momoi's smile turns rueful. "Yeah, he should have. But we both know he's a coward. Even if he came here, he probably wouldn't have said what he wrote." She looks up towards the clouds lazily drifting overhead. "Besides, Tetsu-kun would've known right away whose words those were."

"You shouldn't still be encouraging their stupid love-affair," he starts, taking her hand in his and squeezing it lightly. "He's... he's gone now, Momoicchi. Aominecchi... he needs to move on."

"I know that," she replies with a little too much force. Kise opens his mouth to say something, but he's cut off by Momoi's raised hand. "I know that," she repeats, more softly this time.

She takes a deep breath and lets out an even deeper one. "I know that. But he needs to get over him first. He needs to  _mourn_. And he won't do that because being the idiot that he is, he doesn't think it's his place to do that. To him, he had  _nothing_  to lose in the first place because Tetsu-kun stopped being his a long time ago."

Kise lets out a mirthless chuckle. "Yeah, they really are idiots, the pair of them. Kurokocchi for leaving him hanging like that, mostly."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically, this is where I stopped when I first decided to make this one-shot into a multi-chapter fic.


End file.
